availability

hey,

its been a while ey that i update something here... just wanna share how i really wanna be available for Him anytime, anywhere.

when people start approaching me to be a committee, i seem to doubt myself a lot.. like whether i will be good enough, will i be able to do everything in time, would i be able to juggle everything together and etc... but then again, i love serving Him no matter what it is.. being flexible for him to use in whatever situation... so to be a committee, yes i would do it... knowing that i still have heaps to do but does not mean i can't serve Him and continue learning.. i find it so useful when i was in worship.. i was able to help my friends with music when i was back in KL and to see the importance of having worship every time.. God always teaches and make use of everything that we have learned... never look down on ourselves... God can use us normal human being to do something great for Him...

But God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong; God chose what is low and despised in the world, even things that are not, to bring to nothing things that are, so that no human being might boast in the presence of God. ( 1 Cor 1 : 27-29 )

He always encourage and letting us know that when we do it through or with Him, everything is possible to happen.. i believe in taking this step, i would be able to grow more on depending on Him and knowing that He can use me at all times... like my friend always says, "we are all His hands and His feet"... i believe that so...

Thank You Lord for always being so true to me and letting me know that despite the busyness of this world, there is still time for You to be use and spread Your words to others... continue to be with me and knowing that You will guide me through no matter what situation i am in.. Amen

its been a while..

wow.. its been a while i drop a word on this blog...

i checked my result today... i passed everything but one i have to do supp papers. i am glad i can do supp papers because i got a second chance to pass instead a fail and need to do the unit again... God is just so awesome.. He always gives me so many chances that i could not count of..

especially got comfort calls from my parents to let me know everything is going to be fine because i thought i am going to fail again.. when i check again to know that i actually pass everything except one with supp papers.. He is so awesome i cannot thank you enough..

i am going to work tomorrow.. it shows i have been so busy just do not have time to drop a note on this page. maybe i should do it again.. when she is really free... :)

cheers people

grandpa :)

i heard so much about him... my grandma always tells me how grandpa do this and how he does that... he sound like a really great grandfather to me....

but i never saw him.

this is like how i know God... i never saw Him but i know He is there no matter where i go... as for my grandpa i still got the chance to look at his photos and to know more about him... my grandma will tell me about him here and then to let me know he has been through a lot of struggles himself and all the mistakes that he had done from his past life... he died of stroke but the doctors could not scan that he had one and thats the reason why they could not save him..

at first i was quite angry with the hospital mistake for not knowing the cause of my grandpa's death but then again, i cannot blame them... maybe the technology is not that great yet and they are not able to do anything for him... my grandma say he looks strong even he got a stroke but because of his stubborness of not looking for a doctor and he does not want to take his medicine, thats why he went away early... if not, i will definitely got the chance to see him and to even talk to him... but God's plan... at least my chinese name is named by him....

i cannot see God, sometimes i also wonder whether He is there... but i learn to really quiet down myself and to just listen and i know He is telling me things that i need to know... i cannot be so stubborn anymore.... in no matter what situation i am in, sad or happy, He is there to continue to give me endless joy and love.... sometimes i can feel His presence and His protection... when i am in need He is the 1st one to be there in front of me to protect me.... eventhough i could not see Him... i trust Him... i love Him.... because He 1st love me even before i was born... same goes to my grandpa.. i trust him and i love him because he loves me at first even before i was born... i was still in my mother's stomach when he give me my name.... like how God knows me even when i was just a tiny little thing in my mum's stomach...

thank You Lord for such a wonderful grandfather that i have even though i never saw him... how his stories can make me learn so much from You... thank You for Your wonderful love that no one else can replace... :)

God's teaching.. :)

i am always amazed how God works in my life and on everyone else's life... He is always interested to teach and not give up on us even when sometimes i am just too stubborn to listen to His teaching...

today was just any other normal jogging i have... the same place, the same road that i always take... but i actually can choose shoule i use the long way or the short way.. the short way is easier for me to reach home and not much moutain to climb.. but i always choose the long way...

so i was going through the mountains, i always find it hard for me to climb them because i will loose my breath very easily and i cannot catch my breath in time everytime i run that place... it makes me realise that in life i have some many moutain that i need to climb.. everytime i finish climing one, another is just right in front... go through tough times then rest a while then tough times again... like it never stops... but i never say to myself you know amanda, you are super tired now, should have just choose the short road... it so much easier... but if i din go through that tough roads, i may not be motivated to go on with the running... it will be just another easy way out... i will try to find an easy way out to get out of trouble... but if i don go through that trouble, i may not grow and i may not learn and keep finding the easy way to get out of the mess...

as i was continue to climb more and more mountains in front, i get tired very easily... same goes to my life... i get tired very easily and sometime i just want everything to just stop and turn back the way i came from and just say i give up... but i tell myself, i already run so far why giving up now... so it makes me wanna finish the running even more because i will be going home feeling satisfy and i done a great job... so i just kept on running and din look back... it somehow teaches me to really run the race for Him... i mean i need to focus on Him in no matter what i do... because i know that to finish this race, is to be just focus on Him and everything does not matter anymore... everything that is trying to stop me does not matter anymore... i know that only He can satisfy me and can tell myself i done a great job..

as i finish climing all these mountains then all the way home it was smooth roads.. but even smooth roads does not mean i do not meet troubles... a car almost hit me... i know he was driving fast so i let it pass me but he break all of the sudden and speed on again... i got the shock.. i almost got hit by it... if who knows, maybe i was suppose to be dead by now... but i tell myself to be more careful next time when i see all these people driving around... be more aware of my surroundings... things may stop me from serving Him but as i say, i wanna continue to focus on Him, everything can be overcome... so i continue running on...

along the road i met nice people, bad people ar just plain weird people... but they do not stop me from continue running back home... i really just wanna finish the running because the weather is bringing me down a lil... i feel very dry and dehydrated but i just kept on going... along the road, i saw an old lady passing me by... she was like saying you look good love, continue on, you can do it... she was so sweet... God knows when to send the right person to march you on when we struggle... by just some encouragement, i feel more motivated to continue on because i know i am not far away from home... i just need some cheering thats all i need at that moment because i know i will be home soon and have a really good rest..

i am just amazed like i always run that road over and over again but this thought never come to mind but today it did... it shows that so many times God is trying to tell me this but i am just so stubborn to open my ears to listen then i just run for no reason... in every little thing i do, God is teaching me something but i need to open up to really listen what He wants to teach and wants me to learn... :) What a wonderful God i have in my life... :)

:)

shape of my heart

Baby, please try to forgive me
stay here, don't put out the glow
hold me now don't bother, if every minute it makes me weaker
you can save me from the (person) that i've become

looking back on the things i've done
i was trying to be someone
i played my part
kept you in the dark
now let me show you the shape of my heart

sadness is beautiful, loneliness is tragical
so help me, i can't win this war, oh no
touch me now don't bother
if every second it makes me weaker
you can save me from the (person) i've become

looking back on the things i've done
i was trying to be someone
i played my part
kept you in the dark
now let me show you the shape of my heart

i'm here with my confession
got nothing to hide no more
i don't know where to start
but to show you the shape of my heart

i'm looking back on things i've done
i never wanna play the same old part
or keep you in the dark
now let me show you the shape of my heart


:)

FREEDOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

haha... finally i get to say this word out loud... waiting for it for ages... well, glad i went through it all.. ups and downs... He is there to give me strength and support.. thank You Daddy for being there for me... :)

i got over u..

was going to class today and my 1st song on my iPod was daughtry i got over you... i mean now i really just wanna get over someone so i find this song relevant and i really got over you...

well, i never saw it coming, i should have started running a long long time ago,
and i never thought i'd doubt you, i'm better off without you,
more than you, more than you know
i'm slowly getting closure, i guess it's really over, i'm finally getting better
and now i'm picking up the pieces, spending all of these years
putting my heart back together
cause the day i thought i'd never get through
i got over you....

i am still slowly learning but i will... :)